Infertility blog

•  My Journey

So my journey started just before I got married nearly 4 years ago. My then fiancé and I discussed and decided I would stop contraception a few months before the wedding; it had never really agreed with me anyway. I don’t think either of us imagined over 4 years later we would still be trying to start our family.

So here I am about to start our second round of IVF. 1st was a gruelling fresh embryo transfer which didn’t take. I must say it has taken me months to bounce back from the heartbreak and disappointment that came with the BFN (Big Fat Negative) result. Even though I thought it wasn’t possible after the journey thus far, that test SHOUTED NEGATIVE more loudly than any other that had come before!

But through that dark storm hubby and I have drawn even closer together and have found joy in what we already have together. If I’m frank I think until I get that BFP (Big Fat Positive) I don’t know that this ache in my heart will leave and even as I write this I can feel the emotion rising in me as I fight back tears. But if my journey can help and bring comfort to even one other person then it’s worth it.

I will continue to share part of me and not hide myself in the comfort of darkness because a better day is coming for us all; one way or another.

Things that helped me/us:

• Joining Twitter and connecting and hearing about other people experiences – please follow me @journeyofashep as some great resources can be found 
• Seeing a fertility counsellor – both hubby and I found it useful to speak to someone outside of a family and friends bubble
• Checking in with each other each day; having us time and trying to be open
• Watching Youtube videos of other women going through IVF specifically with tips on how they coped and what they did
• Taking time out when you need to. We delayed the second cycle so we had time to heal and process our BFN. I had a couple weeks off work because I needed to just stop; I'm glad I did
• Meditation – I did a 21 day challenge which really helped keep me calmer than usual; happy to share details
• Losing some weight helped me gain back some body confidence which generally made me feel better but I know not everyone finds this easy. I downloaded the Weight Watchers app to begin with and once I started seeing results stopped the subscription was helpful for initial calorie counting. Generally eating healthier leaves me feeling more energetic
• Holiday; who doesn’t love a holiday
• Listening to inspirational music; mostly gospel, find some links below